Tag Archive | Kristen

True Love Deleted Scene: The Fourth Wall Recap

I wrote True Love over a number of years. It was my first story, and it shows, and I went through a number of revisions and rewrites before finally finishing it off for good. There were two other big reasons for the delays: My attempt at retrofitting the story into the Pleasure Bunnie universe, and my growing dislike of the protagonist Lauren Collins.

When I started publishing new chapters, there was another delay of a few months. At one point during that delay, I wrote up a recap chapter where a few characters would summarize what had happened previously to refresh older readers and encourage new ones to take it on. After finishing this chapter, I decided it was a little too weird/random to actually be published. I do a really good job of holding onto deleted work, so I went in and cleaned it up and here you go…

True Love: Forth Wall Recap

“So,” Celia began, “why is everyone frozen?”

Arianna frowned. “Because we are breaking the forth wall to catch everyone up on the story.”

“Oh. Are we supposed to even know that?”

Arianna rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Who gives a shit. The point is to recap what has happened so far.”

Celia took on a very serious face for a moment. “Well, it all began with Lauren Collins,” she pointed at the unconscious goth girl on the bed, “she knew Kimberly and was brought into our hold to become a Mistress. She enslaved Kristen,” she tapped the head of the girl she had a crush on, “and seemed to be doing okay.”

She continued, “But I was assigned to watch both her and Kristen at school and I noticed that Lauren was a bit abusive…more like dismissive…of Kristen at times. That is her choice, but then the moment,” she pointed at the blond on the bed next to Lauren, “Jenny was available, Lauren jumped on it and dumped Kristen to the side.” Celia turned back to her sister. “That is the kind of bullshit we always mock from Dudes when they dive through three Bunnies in three years. Totally corny.”

Arianna now took over. “At that point, William and Kimberly, who run the Pleasure Bunnie Corporation got a bit displeased with the girl. They’d been grooming her to be one of us. Kimberly went and warned her, but Lauren did not abide by her warnings.” She went over and poked the unconscious and frozen girl on the bed. “So now she will be a Pleasure Bunnie. Some people just never get with the program.”

Celia rolled her eyes. “I thought she was a bitch from day one. I don’t excuse what Jenny did either, but the choice between ‘better than you’ gothalternacunt and bimbo cheerleader…gross.”

A moment passed and they were suddenly on the first floor. Celia looked around. “Hey, how did we get down here.”

Arianna shrugged. “I think when we do this kind of things, we make the rules up as we go.”

Celia went over and put two fingers on Mrs. Collins’ right breast, nipple erect in the tight dress she wore. “Dude, Lauren’s mom is such a milf.”

Arianna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, there is already a waiting line for her.” She paused. “I don’t get your obsession with that ‘fifties’ aesthetic. I mean, my generation grew up on syndicated shows from that era, but yours has internet porn.”

Celia grinned. “Exactly! Retro fetish websites.” Arianna sighed next to her as they were suddenly upstairs again. The younger sister continued talking as she walked over to where Lauren and Jenny lay on the bed. “Gagged and asleep…now that sounds like a modern porn website!”

Arianna tilted her head and put a finger on the large bruise under Lauren’s eye. “Kristen is really violent. I think she broke Lauren’s nose too.”

Celia picked up a ripped pillow. “Uh, I think she might have tried to suffocate her. It looks like Lauren bit the pillow.” She looked at her sister. “Violent and a murderous streak with a definite need to please. I *am* in love.”

“Yeah,” Arianna sighed, “and then there is your crush on Kristen.”

Celia examined the frozen girl, caught in the middle of unhugging Arianna when the world froze. “I want to win her.”

Arianna didn’t role her eyes this time; her sister’s sincerity was profound in the moment. “You have permission to try.” She scratched her neck. “So, I think it is time to get going again.”

“How does that happen?” Celia asked.

“I think,” Arianna argued aloud, “that since we are done it should just happen. I guess.”

Both sisters looked up and around, waiting for life to begin again.

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The Lost True Love Reboot

At one point when I was finishing up college, this would have been around 2006, I decided to rewrite True Love as a “2.0” version of the story. The plan was to finish the original, which I did, eventually, and then post a rebooted version. I wrote about 10-15 pages of this story and it has been lost to…I’m not sure where. I am very meticulous about how I name files, but I cannot find it anywhere on any backup.

The basic premise was this: Focus the story on the high school setting. Lauren and Kristen would trigger a girl named _ (I can’t remember the name) and then try to capture Jenny. Their, uh, lair, was under the girl’s locker room in the gym.

Here’s the catch: Somewhere along the line, Kristen had become aware of her programming and “woke up” to herself. A lot of time would have been spent in flashbacks to her dealing with, and struggling, her independence and attempts to “fake” her way through still being under Lauren’s control. Eventually, all would come out and Kristen would have her vengeance.

Some ideas from this ended up in the real True Love, especially Kristen’s violent streak, but most of it would have stood alone.

Early Story Ideas

Something else I have been reminded me of recently is two very early, incomplete, stories that I worked on circa 1999, before I wrote my first story for the EMCSA. I’ve probably mentioned before that there was an early version of Born to Make You Happy that I more or less scrapped and rewrote completely before it was eventually published on the EMCSA. I had dinner with an old friend whom I had gone to college with a few weeks ago. She reminded me of a few 3-5 page drafts of very rough story concepts I had shown her back then. We had a few gender studies classes together and I had opened up to her about my interest in this after she’d been *rather* open about being a dominatrix.

The first story neither of us remember much about, but I remember it began *in medias res* as a young woman is dropped into a programming chamber by her twin sister, who has already been droned (I vaguelly recall wanting to explore that she had *willingly* betrayed humanity out of desperation for her own situation or something like that). The story went on from there for a few pages, but, like I said, didn’t really go anywhere.

The second one was a bit more developed and some bits and pieces ended up in True Love. This story involved a teenage dominatrix who had control of a brother and sister set. The action developed for a few pages of what I remember was some kind of praise and ritual about how good both slaves had behaved or whatever. The Domme then had another girl come to the door and then blow her slave boy. Some bits of this, especially I think dialouge, ended up in the mall scene in True Love.

There was also a reboot of True Love I began writing somewhere 2006 (I think right before I entered graduate school as I was killing time), but I have no idea where that went. I remember almost all of the action happening at a high school in some kind of underground lair or something like that. I also remember Kristen being pretty vicious.

Change Of Plans: True Love 4th Wall Chapter

A few weeks back, a reader commented that one of my stories was harder to follow due to the long breaks between chapters. This is a great concern for me; now that graduate school is almost over I will have a lot more time to write. At one point, when I started wrapping up True Love (when I wrote again, someone reviewed it by beginning “from the mists of time…”) I was going to have a short chapter where Kristen and Celia actually did a somewhat 4th wall breaking recap of previous events.

This seemed like a fun idea, but I ended up getting rid of it because I wanted to wrap up the story and not prolong it any further. I don’t see the big deal about readers having to go back and read, or reread, older chapters, I just did it with trilby else’s Outcall, but I understand other readers don’t have that kind of patience or time.

Writer’s Commentary: Chapter One Of True Love

I decided it would be fun to have commentaries about my story chapters.  I hope to do one a week as time permits.  The first one is chapter one of True Love:

  • True Love wasn’t really inspired by anyone in particular or any specific event.  I liked the idea of an outcast betraying her values for popularity and adoration.  Over about a year I put together some ideas about the characters and then started to write early in 2001.  I finished the first chapter, I think, around June or so.
  • Gee, isn’t it really, really, convenient that Lauren is right there when Jenny has her fall from grace?  I never explained this very well and actually thought about retroactively adding a scene involving some sort of spying.
  • I’ve discussed this with a few other authors over the years, but boy has technology changed.  Burnt CD-R’s for subliminal messages?  These days things would be a lot more efficient.
  • I don’t like the scene where Jenny wakes up and Lauren begins to command her.  I would have done it a lot differently today and added some resistance from Jenny.
  • I also wish I had developed how superficial Lauren is.  She is just as bad as those she hates; she commands Kristen to dress Jenny rather stereotypically and I wish I had commented on this earlier in the story than I ended up doing.
  • When I first posted this story, praise came in for the bathroom scene with the lights.  It’s good, although again I wish it was a little more developed.